I’ve a complicated mind with dreamy thoughts and an endless amount of gumption. My ambitions for myself is incredibly high and I have an unwavering need to challenge myself. I don’t feel comfortable when I’m not accomplishes something. I love the feeling I get when I’m dynamic and creative but my urge to create is causing problems – it removes my focus from things I have to do. Right now the thoughts that fill my mind is to find a balance in life I can be happy with. I want to find a balance where I can dream and let me inspire, but with both feet on the ground.
I really want to create something I’m good at – something I have to work hard to achieve. Not for the sake of others but for myself.
I’m making myself mentally ready for a new period. A period where I will use my time on search for inspiration, not let me seduce by the nights and I’ll try to feel pleased and satisfied for my quiet productive moments. I will strengthen my spine and feel the essence of myself. I will strengthen my special entirety and find out what the future can and should offer me… and I’ll fight to feel myself and be satisfied. I’ll go all the way until I find what I’m looking for.
I want to escape – to get away. I’m dreaming of distant places, hoping to be able to shut down the painful feeling of being trapped. I’m not a quitter. I’m focused and determined – always ending what I started. But when I don’t have my heart and mind into what I started it’s different. My current position is suffocating and makes me feel ill. I keep fighting because I’m a fighter. But the unfree and unshakeable feeling eats me up – deprives me my energy ans drains my brain for creative thoughts. I’m not voracious or expectant for what life will offer me. I don’t expect that neither happiness or sucess comes by itself. I will not just settle for a good life when I want the best. I will feel fully satisfied. I don’t deserve better than everyone else, but I’m willing to fight to achieve what I want.
What are we without our imperfect moments – when our goals and visions for the future are being pushed aside for a less perfect and stupid action? When it all culminates it’s about being strong to the bone. It’s about trusting yourself and hold your head high when everything feels impossible. Listen to yourself and smile. Fill your lungs with fresh air and feel the rush of life.
Perfection is an illusion that everything is completely satisfactory and flawless. Some maintain the illusion better than others.
My theory: the more insecure you are, the more you need to appear perfect.