personal, thoughts

Drowning love


You could change it. Made me feel that a change was possible.
That I could become a better person, a real lovable one of a
kind. And I wanted to believe it. I wanted to show myself that
something different could be the meaning of existence. It fills my
soul with disgust and evil desires. To blame you is not an option.
It’s all me. My small dark mind is calling from the inside and the
one to pay the price is us. Unfairly.


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The perfect little life of yours


The days where you feel like a fucking loser and really can’t do anything about it. You want to improve yourself that you can do everything you possibly can to run away from the past but you still have the desire to escape from everything and everyone. You want to scream and cry and at the same time you want to show the whole world that you are ready to life the perfect little life of yours. You know how to run away from your demons but your old habits are knocking on your dark little mind saying that they’re ready to take over control. It’s evil. It hits you right in the face.

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† New year †


Many thoughts have flown through my head. What should I expect of myself in the new year? What can I do better? In what areas can I sharpen my skills? I feel good. Balanced and grateful in a way where a few glasses of wine feels sufficient because I know there is a new day waiting tomorrow. A day I look forward to. So what about my New Year’s resolutions? They skipped. Why should I make up requirements and rules when my happiness feels like the purest heroin. I’m happy for God’s sake.

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And that was it

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I’ve waved goodbye to the previous year with a tear down my cheek. I’ve learned so incredibly much about myself and yet nothing at all. I’ve distanced myself from my dark mind and found out what true happiness is. Sort of. I’ve filled my year with people and experiences that I’ll never forget. I’ve gained experiences that has marked me for life. At the same time I’m looking forward to meet the new year with all that it entails. For better or for worse.

Happy new year out there. Take care.